Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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