Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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