get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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