From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
