I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
