Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
