he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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