If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You are the jesus of drinking
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
