i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
