I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
