Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
