Already got asked if we're dating
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
