he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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