Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Semen is not good for contacts.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
