Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
