rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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