im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
