Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
