Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
