dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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