You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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