Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
