So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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