I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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