At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
