I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
