Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
