im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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