Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
