Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
