kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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