I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
