My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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