Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
