Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
