brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
