she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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