Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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