In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
