I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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