Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
