Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
tell me about the eggs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
