non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
