She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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