I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My vagina just clenched in fear
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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