This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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