i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
