my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
