we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want her autograph on my taint
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
