She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
